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To forgive someone is not just to say, think, or intellectually agree that you have forgiven...

To truly forgive, contemplate deeply on how the person(s) came about such actions and how such event made them feel at the time and afterwards, instead of focusing on how hurtful or wrongful their actions made you feel.


What are the backgrounds they were coming from? (the environment they were brought up in, the set of circumstances they were experiencing, the hopes and fears that they held in their minds and hearts, the pains they had to bear that had led them to act or react in certain ways to protect themselves from being hurt or to get what they believe would save them or make them happy and at peace...)


What causal feelings would they feel whilst performing such actions? If that was one of happiness, peacefulness, contentment, joyfulness, full of love and awareness... would they ever perform such actions which then be perceived as hurtful or wrongful by you or any others?


If you were in the position of that person, what feelings would you feel after performing such hurtful/wrongful actions? Guilty, sad, shameful, regretful? disappointed or angry with yourself? Want to correct/compensate for what you did? wish for forgiveness?... Don't assume that people do not have those feelings at all (if you want to learn to forgive and break through your own restricted perception of how people and things are!)


When you contemplate deeply and try to understand the perspective of the person whom you want to forgive and see things from their perspective, you will come to the point where you realise that what they did was NOT wrong at all, given their beliefs, circumstances/background, and limited choices they had in their awareness at the time. This is when you become truly compassionate towards them, and realise how incomplete your assumptions and interpretations were about them and their actions. This is when you have truly forgiven! - judgement and resentment have now been transcended into acceptance, understanding, compassion and love.

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